It happens more frequently then I would prefer. I meet someone who is expressing desire in reaching a goal. They want to run a marathon. They want to lose forty pounds. They want to figure out how to manage stress more effectively. After we discuss what they want to accomplish, we begin to review their current habits and processes. As I make note of their current status, I begin to ask questions:

“Would you consider going to bed thirty minutes earlier each night?”

“Is is possible to change your exercise routine to include some new training concepts?”

“How open would you be to changing your lunches?”

“How quickly do you anticipate achieving your desired outcomes?”

The answers to these questions is where I begin to understand how serious a person is about changing their lives. Changing in a way that will lead to longterm results. Too often the conclusion to this line of questioning is an individual who really wants the outcomes, however they want them without having to change anything about themselves or their behaviors. They also expect that these results will come quickly.

In the health and wellness industry, the quick fix solution has been sold for decades. The sad reality is that it continues to be the marketing message that is used, because it works. Individuals spend their money and lend their faith to 90 day fitness programs, superfood supplements, newly discovered diets and expensive speciality oils.

People are comfortable and willing to follow these messages, because it is easy. Give someone your money. Provide your attention for a short period of time. The commitment is small. More importantly, it is easy because it does not require any introspection. It doesn’t require any actual changes to who you are and what you do. The answers are external.

It does not require any pain to keep the changes external and temporary. While the alternative is not pain free! It can be devastating to look inward and understand that real change will require an assessment of who you are. To look inward and discover that you may have to give up pieces of your identity, in order to uncover the happiness and health you say is important to you.

You may have to give up being the guy who eats everything at the tailgate party. It may require altering your habits around alcohol in social situations. Being the person at work who knows all the latest updates on television shows, may need to change.

Those changes can be easy to implement. What if changes include:

Changing your work patterns, leaving you without the ‘workaholic’ status? Ending an unhealthy relationship that doesn’t support your health goals? Giving up a career that provides for you, but leaves you unfulfilled and unhappy?

Look, I am not suggesting that if you want to run a marathon or lose weight you need to be ready to give up everything and drop out of society. In fact, that is not going to be the best strategy long term.

I am also not suggesting that you need to make major life changes in a single day, week or month. In fact, if you look at the Happier and Healthier You program, you will see that it is exact opposite. The very first change I suggest a person make include four characteristics:

Starting today Avoiding complexity Using short feedback loops Choose something that guarantees success What I am suggesting is that if you want to reach true lifelong change, then you need to be open to examining your personal habits in an intimate and sometimes uncomfortable way. I am suggesting that if your idea of change is spending some money, giving it a few minutes each week and anticipate lasting outcomes to occur in days or weeks, then it is possible that you haven’t accessed the reality that change can be difficult.

One of the more powerful words I’ve heard someone use, when describing what it’s like to finally reach the point of desiring true change is: Surrender

In the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, Russell Brand and Rogan discussed Brand’s journey and book about him breaking free from addiction. Within the discussion, Brand shared that when he finally reached a point he was free to change, he realized he had to surrender who he was. It was a critical element for him and within the twelve step process his book addresses.

When your biggest goal is to maintain the identity you connect to and everything you’ve established, it becomes very challenging to elicit true change. The willingness to be open and at least explore other possibilities is a valuable part in preparing yourself to achieve the happiness and health you desire.

To take this concept and place it in a more academic discussion, those of us in health promotion have known for many years that accessing someone’s mindset as they begin a behavior change program is valuable. In these models of behavior change we often discuss the individual’s ‘readiness for change’.

At the most basic level, it’s an acknowledgement that if an individual needs to make a change in their health behaviors, they need to have some level of readiness to make those changes. I personally appreciate the concept of “Surrender” more. It’s more poetic and feels more accurate emotionally.

No matter where you find yourself today, my request is that you take some time and assess how open you are to truly changing. If you have some goals related to your happiness and health that remain elusive, have you sought solutions that promise results without asking for introspection and change?

The reality is that the daily process of creating change can be very simple. However, the barriers we need to overcome to get out of our own way, can be challenging.