When people want to change their habits, it is common to start is by researching all the different options. They find products that say they can help. They find experts who have the best methods and programs. The effort that is dedicated to the research starts to feel pretty good. The research is movement. The studying is progress. At least that is how it feels. The reality is that many people never make it past the research phase. **The right question to ask is not about what products or which guru, the correct question is: How do *I start* making significant change in my life?** The answer that I share with people is that they need to - start today - start with something uncomplicated - set a goal that can be evaluated daily - make the change so easy that success is guaranteed Start today because planning is not doing. If you do not start today, when will you start? On Monday, so that you can kick-off with a fresh week? Next month when things have settled down and you have more time? After the kids go back to school and you have more time for yourself? Those are all good times to start your journey, but they are not today. And today is the best opportunity you have. There should be no reason that you can not start today. I will remove some of the reasons you believe are obstacles in the way. **Avoid complexity.** The reason that complex planning should be avoided when you start is because you end up a with plan that a normal person, with a normal lifestyle can not implement. It is much better to start very simple and get positive momentum. As you start to implement the change, you can learn and adjust in real time. Testing small changes and iterating is a management process taken from the software development world and works well when trying to make a lifestyle change. After you have been implementing the change for a short period of time, learn from the experience, adjust the plan and carry on. The real value is that you will be making decisions based on real experiences and not on theories and random testimonials of strangers. It doesn’t take too many cycles before you have a new way of living. The surprising result will be something that feels like it should have taken a lot of hard work and planning to achieve. The truth is that it likely did take some hard work, but you spent your effort on creating change and momentum, while many others with the same goal are still planning on the best way to do it. **Create short feedback loops.** Do not set your first evaluation point a month after you get started. You need to have tighter feedback loops that enable better understanding. Gain information about how your behavior is impacting progress. When you set milestones too far away, it becomes easy to rationalize the lack of progress. I recommend you have daily milestones. Weekly milestones would be the largest acceptable duration, however only if the chosen behaviors do not lend themselves to a shorter duration. **Guarantee your success.** In order to be successful over a long period of time, set yourself up for guaranteed success in the short term. When you find success with your outcome metrics early, you will start to build: - Self confidence - A new sense of identity - Self efficacy - Motivation Changes in all four of those are critical to becoming a healthier and happier person. We all have a certain amount of resilience and capacity to self motivate. That capacity is often not sufficient to overcome consistent failure in the beginning. Finding recurring sources of external motivation can be difficult. The better alternative is to create a goal for change that is nearly impossible to result in failure. When I share this concept with individuals I can often be met with skepticism. The goal might seem trivial. However, once they’ve steadily and progressively found success at these small changes, they begin to realize that they’ve started to develop a new lifestyle. If you need one take away message from this article, it would be - start today. Go find the simplest and easy to execute activity you can, and go do it today. Then repeat it tomorrow.

One of the most overused sports analogies used about making process is: > “It’s a marathon, not a sprint”. It has been used in everything from motivational posters and financial planning commercials to company culture documents. The implied lesson is that it is wise to manage your effort over time opposed to trying to accomplish everything in a single day. The reason this motto is so common is because it is true. The problem that I have with this advice results from my personal experience at every marathon I have participated in. At each race, there have been many participants who forget this lesson themselves. If there was ever someone that should understand this concept, you would think it would be the marathon runner on race day. I remember doing a marathon with a bunch of first-time marathoners who had trained for several months and were prepared to have a great day. I taught the value of having self awareness and sensible pacing early in the race. I warned of the desire to try and do something you had not prepared for due to the crowd of participants. Yet despite that coaching, as we hit the half mile mark, one of the runners looked at her Garmin watch and saw that her average pace was slower than anticipated. She was already anxious about her finishing time and decided to run faster. I yelled some words of wisdom as she ran ahead. The good news is that she crossed the finish line. However the second half of the race was more difficult than it needed to be. Why does this happen so often? What lessons can we take away from these observations and how can we apply them to our desire to change our behavior? I have a few key reasons that this mistake is so commonplace: 1. Lack of self awareness: In an ideal situation, when you show up to the start of a marathon you will be in the best shape of your life. Your fitness is at its peak. When you combine peak fitness with the proper pre-race recovery, you set yourself up for new and unusual feelings. What feels like an easy running effort might have been a moderately difficult run just a couple weeks before. You can be running at a tempo pace but convince yourself that you are really holding yourself back. I see runners make this mistake, thinking they are running easy, but discover 13, 15 or 20 miles later that they were just unaware of what to expect in those first few miles. When you are trying to change your behavior it is critical that you maintain a high level of self awareness. The tendency to fall back into previous habits is easy. Where I see this most often is early on when you are having success with a new behavior and you have established a routine that allows you be successful. Then you enter an environment that breaks that routine. It may be a family vacation. It could be a Thursday night happy hour with co-workers or dinner out with friends. In these situations, extreme self-awareness is important. Understand what decisions you are making and why you are making them. 2. Have objective measures. The discussion so far has been about the inability to maintain good judgement using subjective observations. This is why it is important to define some objective measurements that allow you to monitor progress and identify success. In the marathon this means knowing what pace is acceptable and what is just fantasy due to early race happiness. In your behavior change project it allows you to be accountable. When you are trying to start a new behavior, let’s say it is adding an exercise routine, our memory of what we did and what actually happened can be misaligned. People will commonly tell me that they were successful adding exercise to their week. Then when we review what they actually did they may have completed the routine 1 or 2 times. That may be fine if the goal was to include exercise 1 or 2 times, but more than likely there is a misjudgment resulting from the effort it took to complete those sessions. The effort was high which causes the memory of what actually occurred to be exaggerated. Whatever the goal is make sure there is a way to measure and track your progress. 3. Take on one challenge at a time. Early in the marathon it is tempting to start thinking about ‘finish times’. Most of us show up to the race with some expectation of how we want the day to finish. When you are running miles 2 or 3, your finish time should be the last thought in your mind. It is important to run the mile you are running. It takes discipline of thought, but successful marathoners are good at this. As you begin a behavior change project it is easy to think about all the habits you need to change. You may need to eat differently, exercise more, manage your stress, along with many other lifestyle changes. The desire to change all of them at once can be tempting. But it is an approach that often leads to failure. If the goal is to create a happier and healthier lifestyle, then approach it with the knowledge that it can take a lifetime to create those behaviors. Understand that you will be most successful when you work on one habit at a time. Focus on something manageable and immediate then reassess and take on the next behavior. The saying, **“It’s a marathon, not a sprint”** is an overused analogy. It is used so often that I wonder if it has any value in our daily conversations. However, as I think about all the mistakes marathon runners make during those first few miles, I see the value in keeping the mantra alive. As you work through your behavior change program, maintaining the perspective that you have a lifetime to develop your ideal lifestyle will reward you with success, happiness and health.

When I work with individuals, we always start with the small habits that can be easily implemented. I was not an easy convert to this process when I first learned of starting with a “tiny habit” through BJ Fogg’s research. In my mind, it seemed like the tiny habit would be too small and uninspired to keep someone motivated. One of the standard examples used when describing the tiny habit process, is that a person should develop the habit of flossing by flossing just one tooth. That practice will then develop into a habit where you are flossing all your teeth daily. Because the tiny habit has little value itself, I was skeptical that a person would choose to practice that habit. However, Fogg's research continues to show that starting small is the best way to develop new and healthy behaviors. I have enough experience at this point that I am convinced that if you truly desire to have long lasting change, this is one of the best approachs you can take. This is the entire reason for the instructions in the article, “[[Knowing is not doing]]”. This does not mean that there is no value in understanding what the final outcome looks like. In the book, “Smarter, Faster, Better” by Charles Duhigg, he calls it your stretch goal. When I talk to individuals, I like to use the term ‘vision’. I like using that term because it gives people a feeling of inspiration. This is also the outcome that many people have in mind when they start a new program to become happier and healthier. One lesson I took away from Duhigg’s book is that when you set your stretch goal, you should define something that seems a little unrealistic today. This advice is a little nuanced because there is a fine line between something that is unrealistic today and something that is completely impossible. The reward that comes with setting stretch goals that feel slightly out of reach, is that when you successfully implement the daily habits and practices, they will gradually make what once seemed unrealistic a very real possibility. Here are some examples of stretch goals related to being happier and healthier, along with one daily habit that could be the first step to making the vision come true: Stretch goal: To be 50 pounds lighter. Daily habit: Put on walking shoes and walk around the block. Stretch goal: To manage work stress better. Daily habit: Set a pomodoro timer and walk for 1 minute each cycle. Stretch goal: To run a 5k with family at Thanksgiving. Daily habit: Put on running clothes, run to end of block. Stretch goal: To get out of chair without knee pain or support. Daily habit: Set alarm on phone, do 5 body squats to comfortable depth each time it goes off. Stretch goal: To have less frustration and more positive mindset. Daily habit: Set alarm for 3pm each day, when alarm goes off acknowledge 1 thing you are grateful for that day. When you are working hard to develop a new lifestyle, it is important to be committed to the daily process. However, to remain inspired and achieve outcomes that seem unrealistic today, it is valuable to have a vision for what the future will look like.

When you want to make a change it is important to first have a solid understanding of where you are today. This is true whether the change is associated with your health, fitness or any other area that you desire change. This seems like a fairly basic principle, however it is something that is easy to avoid. The self assessment process can lead to uncomfortable answers. Those moments of discomfort are not fun. In contrast, day dreaming about what life will be like after everything has changed is inspiring and motivational. The self assessment piece requires that you take account for the behaviors that have been previously established, it also requires taking note of the resources, skills and ability that you have available. The following is a discussion of: - Why you should embrace a little discomfort during your self assessment. - Two statements about your personal assessment that are sabotaging your current progress. **Embrace discomfort today** When individuals come to me and want my support to improve their running, increase their fitness or lose some weight, they nearly always ask if I can help them reach some imagined outcome. The fact that they can visualize themselves at the end of this journey is a valuable part of the process. I might argue it is a critical piece of the process. I also think that it is the easiest part of journey. Most people can envision a life that is totally different than the one they have today. We can imagine what it would be like to run faster. We can imagine how it would feel to be 50 pounds lighter. The person may have low self-efficacy associated with the outcome and it may be difficult to accept that those outcomes are possible, but in those moments of inspiration, we can at least envision our faster, fitter and healthier selves. What I like to hear people talk about when they ask for support is their vision for what they want to achieve, along with acknowledgement of behaviors or habits they have identified as an opportunity for early success. Let’s look at a couple hypothetical examples. > I would like to be prepared to run a marathon in 5 months. I feel like my current running schedule is not adequate to be ready. I also have been wondering if I should add some cross training or strength training as I progress. The reason I like this inquiry is because she has a clear goal. She acknowledges that her current program needs addressed, but is also willing to consider other ideas for her program. > I want to lose 40 pounds for my daughter’s wedding, which is in 6 months. I have been doing some exercise, however I have a habit of going to happy hour every Thursday and eat pizza with the kids at least once a week. The value that I see in this inquiry is that the goal is specific and time bound. He also shared a couple observations he has already made about his current behavior and how it could be leading to his current status. Initially, I am much less concerned about what those specific observations are. The behaviors of focus can be addressed later in the process, the value is that he has already embraced some of the discomfort that is required when doing an honest self assessment. In both of those scenarios it would be easy to be ‘committed’ to running a marathon or losing 40 pounds. It is uncomfortable to start digging through the sacrifices that will need to be made, behaviors that will have to change and the habits that will need to be added or subtracted from our life. A willingness to embrace some of that discomfort early is essential. **Two statements within your personal assessment that are sabotaging your current progress.** When doing a self assessment, two damaging statements include the following: “If only… “ “I wish… “ I find it easy to follow up the process of doing an honest assessment with a list of excuses to justify the results of the assessment. Those excuses often begin with the words, “If only” or “I wish”, here are some commonly considered excuses: - **If only** I had started doing this ten years ago, it would not be so hard to get started. - **I wish** that I had more time to dedicate to this issue. - **If only** I didn’t have to spend so much time doing other things. - **I wish** that it was as easy for me as it was for her. - **If only** I didn’t have to worry about all the other things, I could focus on this issue. - **I wish** my body would let me do everything I needed it to do. The list can grow fairly long. The damaging part of these types of lists that we create in our minds, is that with each statement, we lose a little power and control of our personal lives. Each one of the statements I just shared give power over to someone or something else. While there may be elements of truth to all of the reasons we have, to elicit changes in our behavior and improvements in our lives, we need to focus on where we do have control. Once we optimize the all the opportunities where we have complete control, it can be amazing at how much impact we have had on reaching our desired outcomes. If you are serious about making a change that will lead to a healthier and happier you, then there are some steps in the initial phases that will not be any fun. Embrace that discomfort and do an honest assessment. Then take some time and review your logical and emotional responses to that assessment. As you review those responses, if you have any “If only” or “I wish” statements, write them down and commit to taking control over your mindset. Once you’ve completed this identification and personal responsibility commitment, you will have established a great foundation for your future self.

What is your story? What are the sabotaging thoughts you keep telling yourself? Here's a look at those two questions and two strategies to overcome them We all have stories we tell ourselves. The internal dialogue we use to narrate our lives. Those stories have a strong impact on how we view the world and ourselves. The narratives create characters and settings in our minds. We then insert our identities into those stories and navigate the best we can. When you are trying to become healthier and happier, it is important that you do not let those stories become a barrier to uncovering the person you be. There were many years that the internal narrative I possessed was one where I played the role of an underdog. I saw myself as someone who had to overcome many obstacles. Those obstacles included things like: lack of finances, lack of support, a biased system and an inability to be loved. The truth was that having this ‘come from behind’ story was positive in some ways. When I was full of energy and motivation, I would create the successful storyline, where I’d rise above all the challenges placed in front of me. In those months and years, I accomplished many things and had many successes. It was this storyline that allowed me to finish college, go to graduate school and most importantly, become an endurance athlete. When it comes to performing in athletics, I have always raced from behind. The idea of being a front-runner is not the story I allowed myself to consider. The other side to this storytelling is that when I was not as energetic and motivated, I became sad with feelings of helplessness and loneliness. A very specific time period I remember this becoming a problem was soon after the Great Recession of 2008 to 2009. I have not went back and unpacked all of the narratives that I picked up during that time, however, when you look at the following years of 2010 to 2013, you can see some of the impact and consequences of those narratives. The greatest lessons that I’ve learned from those periods of my life include: You have to protect who has influence over your narrative. I personally made a decision in 2012 to remove all news on television and radio from my life. You need to have at least one or two people who can help you create a positive narrative. I am lucky to have a few close friends that I can lean into for this. You need establish a habit of observation, so you can become aware of what your current internal storyline look like. This has become a consistent habit for me, but initially it required a formal and scheduled action. When you know you have a negative narrative, what can you do about it? That question is one of most impactful questions you can ask yourself. As I just shared, that question means that you have to become aware that this narrative exists. When I talk to many people, it is evident they don’t realize that the stories they are telling themselves and others each day are not supporting the life they have identified as ideal. So, what can you do to manage the storylines? To answer that, I would like to share a personal example from running marathons. On ideal race days, when I am running a marathon, the narrative trends from very positive to slightly negative. The slightly negative thoughts are usually when I begin obsessing about my current pace or the constant observation of the aches and pains that are present. When race days goes wrong, the story trends from positive to complete self doubt. The self doubt, in these moments, becomes so powerful that it has real impact on my physical performance. These narrative also rob me of any happiness that I might be able to find. The value in knowing these sabotaging thoughts are going to be a part of the day, is that you can prepare and practice managing those negative thoughts. Here are two strategies that I have effectively used over the years when I race. It took me many years to realize that these same strategies can be effective when trying to manage the negative storylines in my day to day life. ## Two strategies to manage negative thinking: ## 1. **Have a mantra to fall back on.** One of the most powerful mantras I developed for racing was during 2002 through 2003. It became so powerful because I practiced daily. The mantra was very simple: “I am strong. My body has done the training.” I have had other mantras throughout the years, but I recall this one getting me through some pretty dark moments. It was also a year that I set multiple personal bests, including setting my marathon PR, which stood for 14.5 years. The value of having a mantra is most powerful when it becomes automatic. When prepared, at the first awareness of a negative internal dialogue, I return to the mantra until the dialogue has changed. Here are some examples of mantras that might be empowering: - I am a healthy person. I appreciate my body. - I am strong enough to handle today. I have everything I need. - In this moment, I am perfect. The future will take care of itself. - I am happy today. Yesterday is over. The key is to use a mantra that has personal meaning and value for you. For many people I know, this includes leaning into a religious belief. The only suggestion I would make is that you don’t use someone else’s mantra because it worked for them. Take the time and go through the process of discovering something of meaning for yourself. It is ok if what you find is only useful for a short period of time. As I noted, my mantra for athletics has changed many times over the years. 2. **Disassociate from the negative and move into the positive.** Another effective strategy that I have used, is to remove myself from the negative thoughts, replacing the experience with something positive. In this case, I like to use a visualization practice. I find the happy retreat, then I begin to create that setting as completely as I can. I use all my senses. If my retreat is on a trail, outside a cabin in the mountains, then I imagine the sounds that I would hear? What does the mountain air smell like? How does that air feel when I breathe deeply? In a race, I work through this process, over and over until the imagery becomes as vivid and real as my mind can make it. I ran the Sundance to Spearfish Marathon, which takes you through Spearfish Valley. It is one of the most beautiful places you could ever run a marathon. Somewhere around mile 16 I lost track of what mile I was running as I was absorbed by the scenery. I made a conscious decision to never look at my watch again, until the finish line. It was easy to disassociate from the reality of the race. I didn’t worry about the lack of long runs in my training. I wasn’t too concerned about little aches and pains. However, there did come a point where I started to feel a little tired. The fatigue wasn’t worrisome, but I began to notice my legs were getting tired and I wasn’t able to distract myself by simply taking in the scenery. It was also at that point when I saw one of the small flagged mile markers. It said I was at mile 23. To combat this, I made the decision to find something else to focus on. Despite being in a perfect setting, I had to find a new scene to distract my mind from the reality of the race. It was highly effective. In your day to day life, you can not always fall into day dreams to avoid your stress and negative thoughts. However, I challenge you to create one visualization and work with it. Once you have practiced it, you will find that falling into the imagery, even for a brief few seconds or minutes, will enable to you tackle the sabotaging thoughts that creep into that internal dialogue throughout the day. The narrative that we tell ourselves and share with others can have a powerful impact on our lives. When those narratives consistently trend to negative storylines, it can be difficult to find health and happiness. Two effective strategies for overcoming those narratives are to find a personal mantra and to lean into positive visualizations. To use these tools in your journey towards health, practice often and make them a default response in those moments of need.

I decided to go climb Black Elk Peak (formerly Harney Peak) in Custer State Park yesterday. It was a chance to celebrate the 39 years that I have been alive. An opportunity to exert some physical energy and be grateful for the health that I possess today. It was also a way to challenge myself. One of my heroes is Susan Bradley-Cox. I am consistently inspired by her ability to help people achieve goals through the Team in Training program. I have been fortunate to coach alongside her on a couple occasions, as I helped the triathletes improve their running. While I am inspired by her coaching, I am even more inspired by her desire to continually challenge herself. When I interviewed her for the Active Lexington podcast, one of the questions that I asked was, as she aged, what did she attribute her ability to keep going to. The answer that stuck out to me was her acknowledgement that a big factor was that she continually was learning and seeking new challenges, still going strong long into her 70’s. When I pulled into Sylvan Lake to start my hike, I anticipated a small crowd. It was after Labor Day, so many students and parents are back in school. What I found was a decent number of cars at the trailhead. My first reaction was, “Don’t worry, it is probably some of the retired folks walking around the lake.” As I headed up trail #9, I started with a husband and wife couple, but quickly found solitude as they stopped to make equipment changes. In the loneliness of hiking, on a new trail and in a part of the country you don’t know well, I began to become lost in my thoughts. Many of those thoughts were on the environment around me. The wildfires were burning strong, the air was smokey and the sun was partially covered. Small noises off the trail made me consider the possibility of rattle snakes. I had growing anxiety over the stories locals shared of mountain lions. Thankfully, after an hour, those thoughts started to ease and I began to appreciate the landscape and scenery a little more. I do not share this story to give every detail of my trip, but who I ended up sharing the adventure with. As I made my way up towards the 7,244 foot peak, the trail became more populated. It appeared that many of those cars at the trailhead had passengers that did make their way up trail #9. They just started earlier in the day and had reached higher ground. What were some defining characteristics of my fellow adventurers? Other than a group of 8th graders from Wisconsin and a young couple carrying two infants, they were individuals in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. Most of them were traveling with at least one partner, but many were in small groups of three to five. And from my observation, everyone I saw yesterday was successful in reaching the fire tower at the top of the peak. Choosing to take a different and hopefully less travelled route back down, I headed down trail #3 towards Little Devils Tower. About half way down, I came across a team of three ladies, most likely in their late 60’s or early 70’s. While I don’t know what they were up to, I’m pretty sure they were looking out as each member figured out how to use nature’s facilities. As I climbed up Little Devils Tower, the trail became less of a trail and more of a rock scramble. At one point, I came to an opening to scramble up, where a lady was standing. I quickly realized she spoke French and didn’t understand English very well. I moved on through the opening and up through several other scrambles that were moderately difficult and created some stress. At the top of the climb, I found the rest of the French party. Each one was moving around the rocks with grace and confidence. Each one could have easily been my elder by 30 years. Yesterday, I climbed to the top of Black Elk Peak and I was inspired. The inspiration came from a place that I didn’t expect. I expected to be inspired by the scenery and beauty of Custer State Park. That was definitely worth the effort and time. However, the people I met along the journey is what I will take away as inspiration. A large number of people willing to challenge themselves. To do something that allows them to continue living fully. Ten things you can do challenge yourself today: - Start to learn a new language using Duolingo - Pick a 5k to sign up and train for - Learn (or relearn) how to skip or jump rope - Do a set of push ups - Find a crossword puzzle, sudoku or log onto luminosity and complete one exercise - Learn to do a kettle bell swing - Do a set of jumping jacks - Find an open space and do some summersaults - Go to a climbing wall and pay an instructor to teach you how to climb - Go for a walk in nature with no phone, music, wifi or cell service

The ability to improve self motivation is something that is often believed to be impossible. Many understand motivation to be an innate trait. Due to this, we often look at other people and wonder where they get their motivation from. We view this from both the positive and negative perspective. I will see someone that is a parent, an athlete, successful in their occupation and they still find time to be a friend and have a social life. When I see these individuals, I am amazed at the motivation it takes to consistently be in her shoes. I also see individuals who wake up in the morning, do very little to nothing for 16 hours and then talk about being ‘worn out’ before they go to bed. Motivation can be difficult to manufacture and being able to generate self motivation can be very difficult if you don’t understand some basic principles. While understanding motivation can be complex, the following is at least one way to become better at generating more self motivation. In his book, “Smarter, Faster, Better”, Charles Duhigg talks about one key element related to improving a person’s self motivation. > Obtaining a sense of control. The basic principle states that when a person doesn’t believe they have any choice and no control over their choices, then they are not likely to very motivated. The story he used to drive home the point was a story the Marines. They started to change the way they trained soldiers going through bootcamp. Bootcamp is normally seen as a way to break down and rebuild a soldier, where everything is completed exactly how the drill sergeant determines it to be done. To improve the training process, they began introducing choices and control into the training process. The choices were sometimes of minor importance. For example, one task assigned to the soldiers was to clean the kitchen. The soldiers were given no instructions. It seems like a very minor task, but soldiers had to decide whether they wanted to keep left overs or throw them out. They had to determine where items such as the ketchup were put away. These situations where soldiers were given the ability to make a choice and had control over what occurred started to change the way soldiers perceived themselves. These small examples grew into large situations that were experienced out in training exercises, where soldiers were deliberately given tasks that couldn’t be completed with the instructions they were given. This meant they needed to make choices of their own, controlling the outcomes. One of the moments in my life where I had to really address my own motivations was the year following my graduation from a programming bootcamp. When I graduated, it was November of 2016, Donald Trump had just been elected president (which was a unexpected outcome at the time), there were lots of discussions about the timing for hiring managers and why it would be January prior to companies being ready to hire. Then there was assessing my desire to remain in the healthcare, public health and wellness market, where I already had developed myself as an expert. What I found in conversations, was a gravitation to factors that I could not control. Here are a few quick examples: Political: Trump is now president and is going to be repealing the Affordable Care Act, so healthcare companies are not going to take as many hiring risks in this unknown environment. Timing: A hiring manager needs to wait until the beginning of the year prior to fully reviewing new applicants. They may also need to wait until there is more clarity on what impact Trump’s presidency will have on their business. Location: There are very few healthcare related startups in Kentucky, especially when focused on Lexington. It may be wise to start thinking about other markets that would be more likely to be hiring than Lexington. These conversations became disheartening and demotivating. As I listened to these stories and opinions long enough, it became easy to fall into a belief that I simply needed to succumb to the circumstances. Sometimes the advice would be to wait until “things got better”. As someone who prefers action, even if the action is the wrong decision, these opinions were depressing. On the days that I began to believe the storylines, I felt foolish for taking action when the suggested approach would be ‘wait for better days ahead’. Upon reflection of that period, in the context of Charles Duhigg’s book, I can see how having a sense of choice and control is crucial. The belief that your effort has some impact on the outcome is incredibly powerful. So what should a person do in order to generate some sense of choice and control when it does not seem like there is any obvious opportunity? For this I take some inspiration from James Altucher, who shares something he calls his ‘Daily Practice’. My interpretation of James’ daily practice routine is that every person has multiple aspects to our lives. We have our physical health, mental health, family relationships, social connectedness and career. The challenge we have is to do something each day to positively impact those areas. It would be ideal if a person could have an activity for each area, however when you are struggling to find motivation and inertia, find at least one activity that can be completed daily. In that year after finishing the programming bootcamp, I implemented elements of a daily practice, as I searched to understand what direction my career takes me. Here were the two practices that I have found that provide me choices and a sense of control, which ultimately allowed me to maintain an internal reserve of motivation: Running: I was very observant in 2017 to not get too caught up in following a strict training plan. In fact, the amount and type of training that I completed was not optimized towards any end goal. That being true, I can say without hesitation, it was one of my most successful and rewarding years of running. The only real goal I had with each run was to continue to maintain my health and fitness, along with ensuring I optimize my happiness by the time I stop running for the day. Writing: I enjoy writing. It is also something I have utilized at various times to support my career ambitions. Since the very first HTML page I posted to ditschfitness.com, in 2003, I have worked at sharing ideas on health, fitness and performance through my writing. In terms of finding some choice and control, it is an activity that no one manages for me. I do not have an editor, an agent or a director of content. In the year after bootcamp, I sat down and tried to write something of value. There were days that I wrote 200 words that were simply mental notes. Then there were days that I was able to put down 2000 words that formed the beginning of an article I wanted to share. On days that I am struggled to write, I would either go for a run and find inspiration, or start to edit something I wrote on a previous day. The value of the writing may be difficult to calculate in monetary terms, however it has been invaluable in terms of maintaining a sense of choice and control over my career. Become an expert at generating self motivation: When you do an honest self assessment that leads you to question your motivation to make a change, one of your first steps should be to find an activity where you can exert choice and control. The activity does not have to be something major, it can be something as small as the example from the Marine bootcamp, where soldiers got to choose where they put the ketchup when they cleaned the kitchen. Once you have a chosen activity, it is ideal if you can practice that sense of choice and control every single day. As Charles Duhigg shares in his book, generating motivation is a skill that can be learned. Therefore, like anything worthwhile in life, if it provides you value and requires practice, my recommendation is to practice often.

The process of making a behavior change is difficult in the best situations. In an upsupportive environment, it can be nearly impossible. That is why seeking and finding the right kind of social support to empower you to make changes can be one of the single biggest steps in your change process. What does the right amount of social support look like? Here are a few characteristics I’ve pulled together regarding good and bad support. Let’s start with the negative: **Signals of negative support** - **Inconsistent:** When you need to be held accountable, they need to follow through in a consistent and predictable manner. - **Agenda driven:** They have an interest in the outcome of the change. I find this commonly happens when a spouse or parent wants a family member to change, it’s a fine line between helpful and destructive. - **Authoritative only:** A person trying to make a positive change doesn’t need to have someone acting as the police or a parent, they need encouragement and mentorship. **Signals of positive support** - **Empathetic:** The person or community trying to provide the support doesn’t need to have gone through the same process, but being empathetic about the challenges is required. - **Open and Candid:** To provide quality support, it can sometimes require tough conversations. Good social support will always be willing to be candid about the situation, without being mean or hurtful. - **Selfless:** A positive support system won’t bring their own interests into the process, they will seek out the best decisions and advice for the individual's desire to change. Having a good social structure is always important for your happiness, however there can be times that require a little extra support. In those times, it's critical to think about the above characteristics of positive and negative support, then figure out who is there that you can lean on a little more. Thinking through some of the types of social support I have needed, a couple experiences come to mind. In sharing these, I hope it can help create a solid image of what these characteristics could look like in practice. When I was going through my divorce, I needed a support system that would help me navigate the challenging emotions and difficult decisions that period required. How does emotional support relate to habits? That is a much larger discussion, but can be summarized in the fact that when you're constantly having to navigate emotional stress and decision making, it takes away energy and motivation for those positive changes you want to make. During this period is when I started seeing Joe, the therapist. It was and is surprising to me how helpful it was to have someone to talk to, that provided an unbiased and supportive voice throughout the process. The ability to lean into someone who doesn’t have a vested interest in the outcome was worth more than I could really put a price on. This brings up another valuable point. Sometimes we can find the support we need in places that don’t have a price tag. However, there are times when we will need to search out places where we can pay for that support. It may be with a coach, mentor, advisor or therapist. One thing that doesn’t change based on if the service is free or for a fee, are the characteristic of positive support you should look for. There are clearly bad coaches, mentors, advisors and therapists. The good ones will be consistent, predictable and without a personal agenda. Another time where I needed to lean into some social support was in March of 2015, when I decided that I wanted to stop drinking. At the time I had the observation that I was using beer to deal with my stress. In most cases, it was a single beer as I sat down to watch some television. In a few cases, it would be drinking a too much with friends. However, I recognized the pattern and did not want to trend further down the path. I made the commitment to quit a couple times, with no success between March and May. The challenges I faced were mostly social situations where I would be out to dinner with friends and found that having a craft beer was the default behavior. To find success, I enlisted the support of a friend that I knew would be honest, consistent and hold me accountable. I reached out to my friend Jeff, shared my goal, and that I needed to tap into him for some accountability. After a little more discussion we had a plan on what that accountability looked like. That accountability plan was for six months, in which I didn’t have anything to drink. At the end of the six months, I found that the default behavior was to not drink in any situation. What I learned from that experiment was that sometimes different people in your life can serve as support for specific changes you would like to make. In my case, I knew that for the specific goal of drinking zero alcohol for six months, Jeff was the right person. When you want to change your behavior it can be a very challenging process. That is why surrounding yourself with the right people is critical. This can look different depending on your situation. It might require you to enlist someone new to take on a specific role, or it may include making a group of friends aware of your desire to change. It could also mean finding the people in your life that are providing negative support and either removing them or shielding yourself from them so you have the space necessary to grow.

For a decade, I lived in a townhouse in the south side of Lexington, Kentucky. My morning routine require me to wake up and get to the training studio to see clients in early hours of the day. As I rushed to get ready and be on time, I would find myself driving down Hartland Parkway, taking a right turn onto Tates Creek Road and follow that all the way into Chevy Chase. I would then navigate my way to the studio, heading down Ashland Avenue. One of the things that was a constant irritation was sitting at the Tates Creek and Man ‘O War stoplight. It seemed to last forever and I would always get stopped by it. However, despite the irritation, I took that route day after day. As I look back on that behavior, I am amused and confused at the same time. If I had just evaluated those habits and asked myself, “are there any other options”. I could have easily found that there is a route that would have allowed me to approach the Man ‘O War and Tates Creek intersection from a different route that would enable me to turn right. Due to the early time of day, I would not had to wait long at that intersection, even at a red light. The question that I have asked myself since I realized this behavior, is “Why did I not make this observation?” My answer is that it’s a common part of human behavior, for myself and many others. We develop routines to help limit the amount of decisions we make each day. These routines limit the cognitive load we encounter, allowing our decision making to be dedicated to more critical analysis. When you look at the routines and patterns that exist in your life, how many of them are automatic? - Your morning routine in the bathroom. - Your first 5 minutes after you get home from work. - The way you tie your shoes. - The way you park the car in the driveway. How many of these regular activities, do you have to spend mental energy on? There is value in having these patterns. As noted, it allows us to focus our attention on more critical decision making. However, these patterns can also create problems for us when we are trying to live happier and healthier lives. For example, my happiness was less than it could have been, simply because my route to work was on autopilot. What about the Starbucks coffee, which I added to that routine at some point? What happens if that coffee is loaded with sugar and fat? How often do we turn on the television at night and can not find anything enjoyable to watch, yet we continue to search out of habit? When you understand that these routines can be positive or negative, it becomes important to review and analyze the patterns overtime. Have you developed helpful patterns or harmful behaviors? Once you understand what your routines are, it is important to ask yourself how you can change them? This entire behavior change program is about establishing routines, by starting and growing positive behaviors. That being said, there is one strategy that I have found beneficial over the years to break me of these routines and providing enough space to evaluate what those behaviors are. That strategy is to change your setting and environment. Think about the last time you were on vacation, what did it feel like when you woke up in a new room and had to get ready in a different bathroom. It was pretty strange, correct? At the moment I am in a pretty blessed position to have been in the Black Hills of South Dakota for 5 weeks. In the time here, I have had the following priorities: - Prepare for brother’s wedding - Write - Run - Work on programming jobs - Finding new work What is interesting about having this opportunity is that many of the daily activities I have while at home, are no longer necessary. It has provided the space necessary to look at what some of those activities are and question if they are critical. When I return home, I can decide if I will keep them, eliminate them or replace them. The reality is that I have had an opportunity like this previously, then upon returning home, I quickly fell back into my standard routines. That observation highlights the power of settings and environment. The routines and behaviors have a way of returning when we put ourselves back into the original setting. While you may not have the opportunity to remove yourself from your day to day environment for several weeks, I would encourage you to be observant of your routines the next time you have a vacation. Even if that vacation is being gone for a day. Here are some other actions you might consider to take advantage of the power your environment has on our behavior: - Move the living room furniture around, so your seating and television are in different locations. - Take a different route to work everyday. - Reorganize your kitchen cabinets, especially the pantry. - Reorganize your refrigerator. - Change the decorations in your office or cubicle at work. - Change the air freshener scent in your car. - Move your bathroom items to a different bathroom and use it for your morning routine. - Rearrange the bedroom furniture. - Remove anything from the bedroom that doesn’t have to do with sleeping, dressing or sex. - Eliminate any distractions, primarily televisions, from the dining room. The value of routines in our lives can not be understated. There are many daily habits we develop that are carried out without any thought. The environment that we live in reinforces many of those behaviors, as our minds work to limit the amount of decisions it has to make each day. Changing your setting not only provides an opportunity for you to evaluate those behaviors, it puts you in a position to be more successful as you develop routines that lead to greater happiness and health.

When I look at the news, check my social media accounts or have passing conversations with strangers, I am often left with feelings of anger, fear and hopelessness. The reason for this response is that so much conversation is about how our world, country, state or city is a terrible place to live. I have had this discussion several times in the past year, but truly believe that we live in the greatest time to be alive. In five hundred years, I am confident that school children will learn about how primitive we were in some ways, such as how we struggled to treat people with equal kindness. However, I also believe they will identify this period on a timeline as a point where the human race made exponential changes, for the better. We live in an amazing and extraordinary time. I think about this each day, wondering what part I can be in leveraging these changes to support and empower others. You do not have to share this perspective of mine. In some of the discussions I have had, I realize that I am likely in the minority by holding this perception. I definitely have friends that believe we are in a dramatic decline and live in the worst time to be alive. Like I said, these conversations make me sad. When you have that perspective it can be really difficult to find happiness. I just shared my macro observation about our current status and place in history. Where I personally struggle is finding the joy and happiness in the day to day realities that we all face. These things include: work tasks, daily chores, regular upkeep of a house and all the other daily requirements we have. It can be easy to fall into a trap where these things become just items to get done. When any of those items start to create problems in my day, I can lose perspective quickly. The strategy that I have worked on to find more happiness, is a daily expression of gratitude. When you first start to express gratitude on a daily basis, it is easy to find things you are thankful for. Then at some point, after you’ve been thankful for your family for the sixth day in a row, you realize that it might be useful to identify other things that are a blessing in your life. You begin to notice smaller things in life, that often go unnoticed, yet are blessings and bring you happiness. I have an example of a blessing the past several weeks that fits this scenario. I have been in Custer, South Dakota the past couple weeks, for the Sundance to Spearfish and Crazy Horse Marathons. When I first arrived, without wifi access readily available, I began searching for a solution. There were only a couple options. One of those options was Calamity Jane Winery and Coffee Shop. I have used their wifi and consumed their house coffee since discovering the shop. A person could easily overlook the blessing that this has been. However, Custer is primarily a tourist driven town and many shops are starting to close. Some of those shops have been put up for sale. Therefore, I am extremely thankful that Jim (the shop’s owner) has chosen to stay open. The second thing that I am thankful for, is the hospitality that Jim and his wife has shown. While it would be a big enough blessing to have access to the wifi and coffee, they have made me feel welcomed to their small town. They were genuinely interested in the things I was up to, why I was around town for six weeks and shared suggestions for things to do. This lead a decision to attend the Buffalo Roundup, one of the best experiences of my trip. The point in sharing this story is to recognize that it would be easy to view Calamity Jane Winery as just another coffee shop. It has been more than that, it has been a blessing. In fact, approximately 25 percent of the Happier and Healthier You program has been written while sitting in their shop. When you develop a habit of expressing gratitude over the smaller things, it makes uncovering your happiness much simpler. When you find satisfaction in the tasks, activities and experiences you encounter everyday, it is difficult to live with fear, hate and hopelessness.

Happiness is one of those emotions that everyone wants to optimize in their life. I do not talk to very many people who say: "I have too much happiness in my life". And while we all want more of it, we are not necessarily very skilled in understanding where the source of our happiness lies. We make predictions and assessments about it, then extrapolate those observations into decision making. Here are a few things that I have observed recently within myself: Food makes me happy, therefore I eat foods that are unhealthy. Control makes me happy, so I obsess about the exercise I do and the foods I eat. Companionship makes me happy, so I put pressure on others to provide that companionship. Obtaining social statuses makes me happy, therefore think about buying cars, clothes and houses that demonstrate I have achieved something. Simplicity makes me happy, so I reject many of the potentially beneficial opportunities I have given because they would 'complicate life'. (This creates a lot of cognitive dissonance with the previous point) These are just a few examples, I am sure that you can come up with a list of your own. The challenge with happiness is that it is a very ephemeral emotion. It can change by the week, day or even hour. While I often speak about happiness, because of its ephemeral nature, I find more stability in seeking meaning and purpose and feel blessed when happiness is a byproduct of that effort. That being said, I still want to optimize my own happiness. And I believe that when it comes to experiencing happiness, it is valuable to take ownership of its source. This is especially true if you are sourcing happiness from somewhere outside of yourself, such as my examples listed previously. When you outsource your happiness it can be lost, stolen, devalued or disregarded. People are imperfect, which means relying on someone else is failable. Materials can be broken or deteriorate, which by definition means that the happiness is temporary. This does not mean that you should live life jaded, cynical and full of skepticism! It does not mean that you should not trust people or buy things. The point is that you want to live a life where your emotional stability and experience of happiness is generated from within. Let me be very real about this. What if you do not feel in control? What if you do not trust yourself with this responsibility? These are two very difficult questions for me. I often do not trust myself to be a source of my own happiness. I want new things. I desire someone to outsource this responsibility to. The idea of owning this responsibility is empowering, but also scares the shit out of me. I have failed myself too many times in the past, so it seems safer to trust something or someone else. That fear is real. Although I intellectually understand that this is something I need to own. If you are like me, then you need to develop a style of living that allows you gain confidence, control and the ability to manage. I have been woeful of this in the past, primarily because of complacency and laziness. This particularly happens when I feel that life is moving along and I am living in "a good place". I become lacking in the tools and habits that help me. The following are some of those tools: connecting with and spending time with friends in meaningful ways exercise / running writing spending time nurturing my spiritual life I have spent a lot of time in the blog posts discussing the value I derive from running and writing. There is a week in the Happier and Healthier You program focused on developing social support as you work on building new habits. But one of the topics that I have not spent much time discussing is the topic of nurturing a healthy spiritual life. The topic of religion and the human spirit is a challenge for me, but over the past 9 months I have chosen to invest in gaining an understanding of what that means. The questions that I am seeking answers to include the following: Why did my participation in a community of people seeking spiritual answers come to a sudden stop? Why did I completely remove any appreciation of a spiritual life and replace it with what I would describe as science and data analysis. How come my personal happiness and ability to derive meaning from life feel lacking, when I can not approach spiritual topics? As some of you read this, I am sure the skeptics will note that looking for a spiritual answer is just outsourcing this responsibility. There are moments that I agree with this criticism. But I have been cautious about identifying this journey with any specific person, church or group. Those guardrails have allowed me to take on this journey with some confidence. It is definitely a journey I have found worth pursuing to this point. The desire to be happy is a powerful motivator. It can cause us to do all kinds of things that are positive and negative in our lives. When it comes to my happiness, I know a few things: I need to own my happiness There are tools that are valuable and help me along the way I am still inadequate at maintaining ownership of my happiness at all times Finding purpose and/or meaning that doesn't exist within other people or things is important and why I'm seeking to understand if it came come from a space I don't fully understand - a spiritual life.

In my recent writings and observations about finding happiness, I have taken the time to look within myself to find different sources of happiness. These reflections have enabled me to understand what can bring me happiness. The main reason that I have taken this approach is that it has forced me to think through what I believe will make me happy. It required some soul searching and forced me to think about what I need to do in order to make those things happen. Through those inward journeys, I have found that being truly happy will require me to find a sense of purpose or meaning. There are many activities and behaviors that I can add to my daily routines that help me achieve a greater since of happiness. These activities help put my body in an optimal physiological state that is ideal for being happier. They help me manage my day in a way that reduces stress, which is helpful. However, all of these efforts do not end up being incredibly useful if there is no sense of deeper meaning. This observation was inspired by my reading of Viktor Frankl’s, “Man’s search for meaning”. There have been other observations that have also lead to this conclusion. One of those is watching my friends who have children. It is clear that their lives are focused on more than their own happiness. They work hard each day in order to provide for their children and to teach their children how to become better humans. While many of these individuals acknowledge that it is difficult, they wouldn’t change it for anything. As someone who does not have children, it has made me contemplate this question: Where may I find similar meaning? Thought he process of answering this question, I’ve tried to observe where others find meaning and ultimately happiness. Here are some of my observations: Religion: this is probably one of the more powerful ways that some people find meaning in their lives. These individuals are able to have a sense of purpose that is greater than themselves. It provides guidelines for living. It also provides a sense of hope for the future. While there are many things that I find destructive about religious dogma, this is one of the highly valuable attributes it possesses. Work / Career: a lot of people that I am around find meaning in their careers. This is definitely a place that I have spent the majority of the last 15 years. It is one reason that this past year and a half has been challenging for me, as I have transitioned how I define myself through my work. One of the interesting observations that I made is that individuals from different generations derive meaning from their careers in different ways. While I observe people that are older than me, I see people who identify with the companies or industries that they’ve spent their life supporting. As I look at younger individuals, I see people who are identifying with their work and the meaning that the work itself provides. The best example that I can think of would be this one: Working for Nike might have been a great career at one point, however I speculate that many millennials would prefer to work for Tom’s Shoes. Family: I have already identified the meaning that my friends get from having children. There are others that I see that generate meaning from a larger sense of the family unit. This means having a solid family unit with parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Social impact / Volunteer efforts. I have witnessed individuals that get a lot of their personal meaning by contributing their time, money and effort to different causes. In some instances this turns into their fulltime work and careers, however in most cases it is effort they put forth outside of their occupation. It occurs through their donations to charities they believe in, time spent supporting events and in some cases simply being associated with the cause. There is happiness within, while meaning comes from something much larger. The main conclusion I have come to, as I have observed others and thought about how they derived meaning is that individuals are finding meaning by looking outside of themselves. Their desires to find meaning and increase happiness is not limited to inward searches. They are not simply trying to fulfill their own physical and emotional needs. They understand that satisfying their basic needs is critical but happiness comes when they have found meaning from something bigger than themselves. These observations are simply the same observations that many people have previously made. None-the-less, it’s opened my eyes to the reality that living with purpose and meaning is a critical element to finding happiness.

Sports and athletics has always been a major part of my life. I’m not exactly sure where the drive came from, as none of my parents are particularly interested in sports. The lone exception being the Nebraska Cornhuskers, which is not a choice if you are born in Nebraska. When I think about my lifelong commitment to helping people reach their physical performance goals, I can bring it back to a few influences and motivations: A desire to fit in. When you grow up in rural Nebraska, the opportunities for diverse experiences are somewhat limited. One of the exceptions is athletics. In my case, as a young child living in Imperial, Nebraska (pop 2,047), I was introduced to wrestling. Even as a physically small kid, it allowed me to compete. That opportunity sparked my love of sport and competition. I had two major adult influences associated with sports. One of the benefits of growing up in a small town is that I developed good friendships at a young age. Two of my friends since 3rd grade, Alex Reier and Jason Mayo (ok, I don’t think Alex and I liked each other until 4th grade), had fathers that coached many of the sports I participated in. Tom Mayo was my TaeKwonDo instructor through the majority of the years it took me to earn my black belt. He was also my basketball coach on several occasions. John Reier taught me how to shoot a basketball properly. He was always the loudest voice in the crowd when we were competing. They both shared their guidance as I pursued athletics. They also used athletics as an opportunity to teach us larger life lessons, even when I chose not to listen. I enjoy the pursuit of improvement. It’s an inner drive that I’ve always possessed. I’m rarely satisfied with a performance. I always feel that with a little adjustment, my next race will be better. It has taken a lifetime to harness and appreciate this, with a lifetime of learning to go. The reason that my pursuit and love of athletics is relevant, is because it was through athletics that I learned that losing sucks. I remember the situation when I realized that I wasn’t going to win every time. I was five years old and at a wrestling tournament. These tournaments are an awesome experience for a kid. You get assigned to a bracket based on your weight class and you get to see your name up on the chart. The mats are all rolled out on the basketball courts. And with parents and coaches on the side, you go out into the circle and compete. At the end of each match, there’s a winner. The winner gets his arm raised into the air by the referee and then sees his name advance forward on the chart. While I do not remember the exact wrestling meet’s location, I do remember finishing a match and having the ref raise my opponent’s hand. I remember going into the bathroom crying. My dad had to explain that it was ok. I still got to wrestle some more at the tournament. I wish that I could recall the exact discussion, but my memory is not that good. Throughout my school career, especially high school, I got the opportunity to experience a lot of losses. With the single exception of my senior year of high school, when I transferred to O’Neill and our basketball team faired pretty well (until Kasey Brosz got injured, then we didn’t). It’s obvious that sports provide a great amount of positive memories for me, with a lot of benefit for my growth as an individual. But the question I’ve posed is this: How can we find happiness in losing? It took me into my thirties until I started to understand that even in losing, we have an opportunity for happiness and contentment. Losing in athletic competitions, business or any other domain that you find yourself does not have to result in anger, frustration, sadness or depression. The key to finding happiness in losing, has been the discovery that the journey is worth the effort. When the daily experience is valuable enough, then the outcome becomes a secondary consideration. In our business, I am thankful to have partners who take a similar approach. We spend a decent amount of time discussing the process by which we are doing our work. We evaluate the type of work that we are getting done each day, with the expectation that we are satisfied and content with the work we are doing. A case in point, the Happier and Healthier You behavior change program. It is something I felt passionate about and had a compelling reason to work on, therefore it has become a part of my work life. What will the outcome of this program be? Will it be successful? Will our business ‘lose’ because of it? That question remains to be answered. I do know that the process of creating the program. The feedback that I have received from those who have started the program, in these early days, has made the journey worth it. Win or lose. I still like winning. It remains the desired outcome. Last week, I participated in a local business pitch competition called “5 Across”. I pitched a product that our team has been working on for the majority of the year. As the judges announced the winner, I got very anxious. I expected the company that won the competition to win. However, I still waited there with hope. When the winner was called out, all the energy left my body. I still love to win. In some respects, it’s this mentality that enables me to be an entrepreneur. However, I’ve come to understand that in athletics and in entrepreneurship, you better learn to find happiness from things other than winning. There is a saying that people often use: “focus on the process, not the outcome” I like that saying. I use it quite often when I’m working with clients. However, even in that mantra, the underlying message is that if you focus on the process you will get the outcomes you desire. I’ve learned through athletics and business, that finding happiness in the process, despite the outcome is just as critical.

It happens more frequently then I would prefer. I meet someone who is expressing desire in reaching a goal. They want to run a marathon. They want to lose forty pounds. They want to figure out how to manage stress more effectively. After we discuss what they want to accomplish, we begin to review their current habits and processes. As I make note of their current status, I begin to ask questions: “Would you consider going to bed thirty minutes earlier each night?” “Is is possible to change your exercise routine to include some new training concepts?” “How open would you be to changing your lunches?” “How quickly do you anticipate achieving your desired outcomes?” The answers to these questions is where I begin to understand how serious a person is about changing their lives. Changing in a way that will lead to longterm results. Too often the conclusion to this line of questioning is an individual who really wants the outcomes, however they want them without having to change anything about themselves or their behaviors. They also expect that these results will come quickly. In the health and wellness industry, the quick fix solution has been sold for decades. The sad reality is that it continues to be the marketing message that is used, because it works. Individuals spend their money and lend their faith to 90 day fitness programs, superfood supplements, newly discovered diets and expensive speciality oils. People are comfortable and willing to follow these messages, because it is easy. Give someone your money. Provide your attention for a short period of time. The commitment is small. More importantly, it is easy because it does not require any introspection. It doesn’t require any actual changes to who you are and what you do. The answers are external. It does not require any pain to keep the changes external and temporary. While the alternative is not pain free! It can be devastating to look inward and understand that real change will require an assessment of who you are. To look inward and discover that you may have to give up pieces of your identity, in order to uncover the happiness and health you say is important to you. You may have to give up being the guy who eats everything at the tailgate party. It may require altering your habits around alcohol in social situations. Being the person at work who knows all the latest updates on television shows, may need to change. Those changes can be easy to implement. What if changes include: Changing your work patterns, leaving you without the ‘workaholic’ status? Ending an unhealthy relationship that doesn’t support your health goals? Giving up a career that provides for you, but leaves you unfulfilled and unhappy? Look, I am not suggesting that if you want to run a marathon or lose weight you need to be ready to give up everything and drop out of society. In fact, that is not going to be the best strategy long term. I am also not suggesting that you need to make major life changes in a single day, week or month. In fact, if you look at the Happier and Healthier You program, you will see that it is exact opposite. The very first change I suggest a person make include four characteristics: Starting today Avoiding complexity Using short feedback loops Choose something that guarantees success What I am suggesting is that if you want to reach true lifelong change, then you need to be open to examining your personal habits in an intimate and sometimes uncomfortable way. I am suggesting that if your idea of change is spending some money, giving it a few minutes each week and anticipate lasting outcomes to occur in days or weeks, then it is possible that you haven’t accessed the reality that change can be difficult. One of the more powerful words I’ve heard someone use, when describing what it’s like to finally reach the point of desiring true change is: Surrender In the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, Russell Brand and Rogan discussed Brand’s journey and book about him breaking free from addiction. Within the discussion, Brand shared that when he finally reached a point he was free to change, he realized he had to surrender who he was. It was a critical element for him and within the twelve step process his book addresses. When your biggest goal is to maintain the identity you connect to and everything you’ve established, it becomes very challenging to elicit true change. The willingness to be open and at least explore other possibilities is a valuable part in preparing yourself to achieve the happiness and health you desire. To take this concept and place it in a more academic discussion, those of us in health promotion have known for many years that accessing someone’s mindset as they begin a behavior change program is valuable. In these models of behavior change we often discuss the individual’s ‘readiness for change’. At the most basic level, it’s an acknowledgement that if an individual needs to make a change in their health behaviors, they need to have some level of readiness to make those changes. I personally appreciate the concept of “Surrender” more. It’s more poetic and feels more accurate emotionally. No matter where you find yourself today, my request is that you take some time and assess how open you are to truly changing. If you have some goals related to your happiness and health that remain elusive, have you sought solutions that promise results without asking for introspection and change? The reality is that the daily process of creating change can be very simple. However, the barriers we need to overcome to get out of our own way, can be challenging.

Is it possible to be tired and happy? 10 things to consider when evaluating energy and tension. This past weekend I completed the Bourbon Chase with a team of eleven other runners, two drivers and two volunteers. It is one of the more enjoyable running events that I get to do. This year I participated with a new team. It is always fun to meet new people when it is centered around a memorable event. While it was fun, I did not really plan my participation incredibly well. In fact, until Craig (our team captain) started to send out reminders of the event, I forgot that I had committed to be on the team. The main reason that I was nervous about doing the event, is that I had just finished the Crazy Horse Marathon five days before the start of the Bourbon Chase. And two weeks prior to that, I completed the Sundance to Spearfish Marathon. I had no expectation of what might be possible or how my body would respond. As I started my first run on Friday afternoon, I felt pretty good. I had energy. My legs were a bit weak which made the downhills feel out of control, but my performance was as good as I could have wished. I also experienced the desire to perform for my team. I ended the Bourbon Chase feeling tired, overly fatigued and a little absent minded. I had not done a good job with nutrition throughout the event, therefore I was also dehydrated and experiencing gastro-intestinal issues. Did I go home and sleep for twenty-four hours? I did not. After being gone for six weeks, I was anxious to see friends. I went to dinner with some friends for a birthday celebration. I hung out with a friend until a little later in the night. Then after some restless sleep got up and spent my Sunday meeting old friends and spending time with someone I had been waiting 6 weeks to see again. Sunday night, I finally sat down, put up my feet and started to watch a show on Netflix. It was at that moment that I realized how incredibly tired I truly was. It is now Tuesday morning and I am still a little fatigued, something I’m trying to rectify with coffee. I share this entire experience with you, because it had me asking the question: Is it possible to be happy when you are fatigued? To answer this question, I reflect back on the research and work by Robert Thayer, PhD. I initially came across his research when I was in graduate school and researching the connections between mood states and exercise. In his research, he was testing to see if it was possible to substitute a positive behavior, such as a five minute walking break for a negative behavior, such as smoking or eating high sugar candy. The model that he developed involves two spectrums. A spectrum of calm to tense and another of tired to energetic. The theory is that individuals adopt behaviors or habits that help manage their position on the spectrums. For example, if you have low energy you may try and improve it by eating a sugary snack. If you are tense, you may try and decrease that tension by smoking a cigarette. The ultimate state of being, as viewed through this model, would be possessing calm energy. Calm Energy happens to be the name of one of the books by Robert Thayer that distills his research in an easy to consume manner. When I think about the concept of having calm energy, it is feels pretty intuitive that when people are tired, they have less margin for error and experiencing happiness. The energy needed to manage stressors, daily life and challenges is simply not large enough to be effective. I am sure that we’ve all witnessed a tired tyrant. The application of the Calm Energy theory has many different avenues that we’ll explore over time, as we continue to think about behavior change and happiness. Today my goal was simply to pose the question for you to reflect upon, can we be tired and happy? I think it is possible to be tired and happy. I was really tired on Saturday night, but happy as I meet with friends. On Sunday, I was exhausted but happy. In both instances I didn’t have much vigor, so it’s possible I wasn’t the best company, but I also did not have much negative stress or tension on either day. What if I had been faced with a major stressful event? I might have become an angry or sad person quite easily. When fatigue and stress become chronic situations, I believe it can lead to longer lasting issues, such as depression and anxiety. Can we be tired and happy? Yes, but it’s a lot like walking a tight rope with nothing to aid your balance. Here are 10 things to consider as you evaluate your state of calmness, fatigue and happiness. Are you getting to bed at an appropriate time of night? Have you created an optimal environment for a good night of sleep? Do you find yourself reaching for supplemental sources of energy often? Are you getting regular exercise? Are you getting too much exercise, with signs of overtraining? Do you take recovery from exercise as serious as you take your training routines? Are your eating habits consistent, or varied day-to-day? How many times in a day do you sit for longer than one hour? Have you established healthy ways to manage your stress? Do you have a way to regularly monitor your level of fatigue? Resources, two books by Robert Thayer Calm Energy: How people regulate mood with food and energy The Origins of Everyday Moods: Managing energy, tension and stress

The other day I got a ride to the airport as I returned from my six week trip to South Dakota and Wyoming. When my ride got there I walked out with my backpack and a single suitcase. Brenda (my ride) asked, “Is that all you got? You stayed here all that time with just this?” When I started packing for this trip, I made an intentional choice to pack as lite as I could. I had many things to accomplish on this trip, such as, being a best man in my brother’s wedding, run two marathons and continue to work. That made staying lite difficult. When there is a choice to have too much versus too little, I often prefer to be over prepared. This means having a lot of stuff. However, I wasn’t one hundred percent clear on all the details, so I chose to be nimble. I did end up buying a long sleeve running shirt to use for the marathons. I had to buy some pants and shoes for the wedding. I also bought some gloves and stocking hat, because it turned winter pretty quickly. In the end, everything fit back into the single suitcase and backpack. This is not the first time that I’ve had to think about material possessions this past year. In May, I sold the townhouse that I had lived in for ten years. It was a small townhouse at 1,000 square feet, however it’s amazing how much stuff can be jammed into a small home over the span of a decade. The process of evaluating all these possessions and getting rid of some by either throwing it away or donating it opened my eyes. It allowed me to assess the importance I place on items that have no real value for my happiness. The even more surprising experience happened when I started moving. After I had spent the time to downsize my possessions, I thought it would be a simple move. However after 24 hours of moving items from the house to my new apartment, I finally gave in and rented a U-Haul, which still ended up full! The minimalist lifestyle is one that has become more common, especially among millennials. One of the things I appreciate about this philosophy is that it forces someone to contemplate how they value material items. Many people that I know, including myself, often find ourselves purchasing things with an expectation of increasing our happiness. We justify our buying because we believe the purchase will make us happier by entertaining us, distracting us, making us slimmer, healthier, more fit, allowing us to fit in, improve our status, make our children content, improve our sex appeal and all the other messages that the marketing leads us to believe. The reality is that the happiness is short lived. Minimalism, according The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, is: “a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.” When I think about having freedom, I often think about happiness. I remember starting Financial Peace University (FPU) ten years ago, with the idea that if I could remove the financial struggles in my life, then I would be happy. When I obtained a debt free status, it did change how I lived. With no credit card payments, no car payments and no student loans I was able to think differently about many things. It wasn’t just about finances, it was about being free to make choices I could never have made before. While being debt free as a result of working through the concepts in FPU is not the same thing as being a minimalist, I believe that they are strategically aligned. In many instances, I would purchase items that I couldn’t afford, simply because I had the expectation that the new purchase would make me happier in some way. When the purchase didn’t end up changing my life, I would not only not be happier, I would be left with the debt that it created. It was often a major drain on my happiness. It was clearly a lifestyle that stole my freedom. The Minimalists also define minimalism in this way, “minimalism is a tool to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important—so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom.” When you provide space in your life, whether that space is physical space or mental and emotional space, you have the ability to make better choices on what you invite into your life. If you are thinking about how overwhelmed you are, as you try to keep up and maintain your current lifestyle, I encourage you to consider adopting a minimalist mindset for a single day. You don’t need to commit to the philosophy forever. Take a single day and be considerate about what and how you live as a consumer. If you are interested in making a change in the way you value material goods, I encourage you to watch the Minimalists documentary on Netflix. I also encourage you to look into the guidance of Marie Kondo and her book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”. These individuals provide a new way to look at material possessions. A perspective that is new and challenging for me, along with many people I am around. I have now been back in Lexington for forty-eight hours. When I walked into my apartment, one of the first things I asked myself was “Why do I have so much stuff?”. It’s been a good experience for me. I also know that for six weeks I relied on a car to do anything. This requirement is not something I enjoyed, which is why I’ve found happiness in my return to commuting on my bike. Is a minimalist lifestyle a requirement for happiness? I do not think it is. I do think it is a tool that we can use. It is also a philosophy that allows us to evaluate our relationship with material goods and our consumer behavior. While we can buy many things in life, I’ve yet to see a way to purchase lifelong health and happiness. Resources The Minimalist: What is minimalism Marie Kondo Financial Peace University

Early in the year, I spend time on-boarding a new group of runners to my running program. It can be somewhat stressful, as there are always a lot of logistics to organize and operations to put in place. One of the things that I’m very thankful for is a group of runners who have participated for multiple years. There is a core group that have participated in every season and iteration of the program. Despite all the logistics, the one thing I absolutely enjoy is getting to know the new participants. What their goals are, why they have chosen to become a runner and what currently holds them back from achieving their dreams. There is a point where all of the on-boarding is complete and it comes time to start training. When the training program starts, there is often a lot of education that takes place. Novice and experienced runners alike, want to know why I’ve made the training decisions that I’ve made. What value does a specific run have? Why am I not utilizing the most recent training strategy discussed in Runners World, or highlighted on another coach’s social media account? By far the most common question I get from new-to-my-group runners is, “Do I really have to walk?” My response to this question used to be, “Yes”. Then I would share the justification for why I believed everyone I work with could benefit from utilizing a run-walk strategy in specific ways within their training. I explain how using a run-walk pattern could benefit a majority of runners in races that challenges their endurance. All of this education and effort to provide what I believe to be optimized coaching advice. All of that coaching is based on one assumption, which I have learned over time, is not always a true assumption. That assumption is based on the idea that the runner’s biggest motivation is to optimize their performance. To finish a race with the best possible time they can achieve. I have learned over the 17 years that I have been coaching adults to be runners, that sometimes running is not about optimizing performance. It is about optimizing their health or happiness. This is a truth that I forgot for a period of time. It is a reality that I developed a blind-spot for. However, it is something I’ve become hyper aware of again. It is this self-awareness and deep understanding of this truth, which lead me to develop the Happier and Healthier You program last year. In 2017 I ended up running three marathons. I completed all three races without an ‘optimized’ plan. In fact, I ran the two fall marathons with my longest run in the three prior months being 10 miles. That was a fact I did not even realize until after I went back over my Strava logs after the first marathon in September. Why did I allow that to happen? If a client came to me and asked if they could train for a marathon and only do a ten mile long run, I would say “No!”. So again, how did that happen? It happened as a result of what I spent my year optimizing my running around - being happy. I ran with the single goal to find happiness. This topic is very fresh on my mind, because as I shared, I have a new group of runners asking questions about why their training programs include different types of workouts. As I reply to their inquiries, I am left with feelings of hypocrisy. These feelings are because I know that my own training plan is currently operating on different principles. Here are a few “mistakes” I am currently making, if I was to optimize for performance. I run almost everyday. We are thirty-six days into 2018 and I have taken one day off. I forced myself to take it off because I started thinking about “how long is my streak”, which is not something I wanted to think about. However, I am very certain that I would be better taking more days off and obtaining better recovery. I run every run at the same effort. This is one of the biggest mistakes I try and correct with all of my runners. There should be easy days and hard days. I haven’t run more than eleven miles for my long run. I run the same route each day for almost a week straight. This means I am not getting the benefit of different stimulus that some hills could provide and are plentiful here in Kentucky. Why am I satisfied with my running, knowing that I have done very little to optimize my running program for performance? I am satisfied because I have chosen to continue to optimize for happiness, at the risk of having sub-optimal performances. I run every day, on a route that I’ve preplanned for the week and at a pace that feels comfortable, because it provides me the most personal reward from the activity. Today, when a runner asks me, “Do I really have to walk?”, I often try and discover if the individual is trying to optimize their training for performance or happiness. If they are focused on performance, I will almost always say, “Yes.” However, if they are seeking happiness, then there are many different opportunities for programming, as long as we are not putting their health at risk.

The ability to improve your self motivation is something that people often believe is not possible. Many understand motivation to be an innate trait. Due to this, we often look at other people and wonder where they get their motivation from, in both the positive and negative perspective. I will often see someone that is a parent, an athlete, successful in their occupation and still finds time to be a friend and have a social life. When I see her, I am amazed at the motivation it takes to consistently be in her shoes. I also see someone who wakes up in the morning, does nothing for 16 hours and talks about being ‘worn out’ and goes to bed. Motivation is difficult to manufacture. Being able to generate self motivation can be very difficult if you don’t understand some basic principles. While understanding motivation can be complex, the following is at least one way to become better at generating self motivation. In his most recent book, “Smarter, Faster, Better”, Charles Duhigg talks about one key element related to improving a person’s self motivation. The element is obtaining a sense of control. The basic principle states that when a person doesn’t believe they have any choice and no control over their choices, then they are not likely to have self motivation. The story that drove home the point was a story about how the Marines started to change the way they trained soldiers going through bootcamp. Bootcamp is normally seen as a way to break down and rebuild a soldier, where everything is completed exactly how the drill sargent determines it to be done. To improve the training process, they began introducing choices and control into the training process. The choices were sometimes of minor importance. For example, one task assigned to the soldiers was to clean the kitchen. The soldiers were given no instructions. It seems like a very minor task, but soldiers had to decide whether they wanted to keep left overs or throw them out. They had to determine where items such as the ketchup was put away. These situations where soldiers were given the ability to make a choice and had control over what occurred started to change the way soldiers perceived themselves. These small examples grew into situations that were experienced out in various training exercises, where soldiers were deliberately given tasks that couldn’t be completed with the instructions they were given. This meant they needed to make choices of their own, controlling the outcomes. This past year, I have thought a lot about self motivation. Specifically as it relates to my career and staying motivated. When I finished the Awesome Inc University bootcamp in November, the political landscape was changing. We had a new president which brought a lot of opinions on what the future would look like. As it was November, there were thoughts about the timing for hiring managers and why it would be January prior to companies being ready to hire. Then there was the desire to remain in the healthcare, public health and wellness market, where I already had developed myself as an expert. What I found in conversations, was a gravitation to factors that I could not control. Here are a few quick examples: Political: Trump is now president and is going to be repealing the Affordable Care Act, so healthcare companies are not going to take as many hiring risks in this unknown environment. Timing: A hiring manager needs to wait until the beginning of the year prior to fully reviewing new applicants. They may also need to wait until there is more clarity on what impact Trump’s presidency will have on their business. Location: There are very few healthcare related startups in Kentucky, especially when focused on Lexington. It may be wise to start thinking about other markets that would be more likely to be hiring than Lexington. These conversations became quite disheartening and demotivating. As I listened to these stories and opinions long enough, it became easy to fall into a belief that I simply needed to succumb to the circumstances. Sometimes the advice would be to wait until “things got better”. As someone who prefers action, even if the action is the wrong decision, these opinions were depressing. On the days that I began to believe the storylines, I felt foolish for taking action when the suggested approach would be ‘wait for better days ahead’. Upon reflection of this past year, in the context of Charles Duhigg’s information on self motivation, I can see how having a sense of choice and control is crucial for self motivation. The belief that your effort has some impact on the outcome is incredibly powerful. So what should a person do in order to generate some sense of choice and control when it does not seem like there is any obvious opportunity? For this I take some inspiration from James Altucher, who shares something he calls his ‘Daily Practice’. My interpretation of James’ daily practice routine is that every person has multiple aspects to our lives. We have our physical health, mental health, family relationships, social connectedness and career. The challenge we have is to do something each day to positively impact those areas. It would be ideal if a person could have an activity for each area, however when you are struggling to find motivation and inertia, find at least one activity that can be completed daily. While I did not think about it previously, I have implemented elements of a daily practice over the past year, as I have searched to understand what direction my career takes me. Here are the two practices that I have found that provide me choices and a sense of control, which ultimately has allowed me to maintain an internal reserve of self motivation: Running: I have been very observant in 2017 to not get too caught up in following a strict training plan. In fact, the amount and type of training that I have completed over the past 9 months has not been optimized towards any end goal. That being true, I can still say without hesitation, it will be one of my most successful and rewarding years of running over the past decade. Each day I determine if I will run, what route I will run and for how long I would like to run. The only real goal I have with each effort is that I continue to maintain my health and fitness, along with ensuring I optimize my happiness by the time I stop running for the day. Writing: I enjoy writing. It is one thing that optimizes my happiness. It is also something I have utilized over the past 14 years to support my career ambitions. Since the very first HTML page I posted to ditschfitness.com, in 2003, I have worked at sharing ideas on health, fitness and performance through my writing. In terms of finding some choice and control, it is an activity that no one manages for me. I do not have an editor, an agent or a director of content. Each day I sit down and try to write something of value. There are days that I write 200 words that are simply mental notes. Then there are days that I am able to put down 2000 words that form the beginning of an article I want to share. On days that I am struggling to write, I either go for a run and find inspiration, or I start to edit something I wrote on a previous day. The value of the writing may be difficult to calculate in monetary terms, however it has been invaluable in terms of maintaining a sense of choice and control over my career. Become an expert at generating self motivation: When you do an honest self assessment that leads you to question your motivation to make a change, one of your first steps should be to find an activity that you can exert choice and control. The activity does not have to be something major, it can be something as small as the example from the Marine bootcamp, where soldiers got to choose where they put the ketchup when they cleaned the kitchen. Once you have a chosen activity, it is ideal if you can practice that sense of choice and control every single day. As Charles Duhigg shares in his book, generating self motivation is a skill that can be learned. Therefore, like anything worthwhile in life, if it provides you value and requires practice, my recommendation is to practice often.

When I was younger, I used to be motivated by living to be a hundred years old. The motivation for living to one hundred was it signaled a long and successful life. That age is also something we celebrate as an extra special mark of aging in our society. I used to be amazed that someone could live that long. However today I see articles of a great grandmother running a 100 meter dash at one hundred. I watch videos of a hundred and three year old physician mowing his lawn and being mentally sharp. It is incredible to see the quality of life that many people have as they move past a century of living. As a general mark of a culture’s health, we also use longevity. We evaluate the general health of a population by speaking about the life expectancy of that populations. We estimate their demographics by speaking about their average age. And book after book is written, giving keys to a successful life, by distilling a culture that has the most centenarians down into a list of foods to eat and habits to adopt. When we use life expectancy as a sign of a successful life, we end up with projects such as Human Longevity Inc and Google’s Calico. These projects aim to increase one’s life expectancy, not by small increments, but in exponential terms. In many ways I am fascinated by this work. It is interesting from a scientific perspective. I am also optimistic at the potential they will be successful. I don’t believe it will be long before humans commonly live to be 150 years old. Then following the exponential advancement, what is the next milestone? Will we live to 250, 500 or will Ray Kurzweil’s prediction of indefinite lifespans be realized? It’s interesting to construct the mind experiments on what human life would be like when we live to 500, however it leaves me concerned that we are focused on the wrong metric of a healthy life. I know too many individuals in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s who struggle each day to find happiness and meaning. I talk to individuals in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s that are concerned because they are on their second half of life and haven’t found contentment. When the focus is on extending the lifespan, but not considering the quality of life a person is able to live each day, then we are creating the potential for long and unsatisfying years of living. One reason a culture’s health is evaluated based upon their life expectancy is because it is easy to measure. Estimating the quality of a life, for each member of a population is much more complicated. Because it is complicated, does not mean that it is less valuable. At the individual level, we believe that living a meaningful life is more critical than living a long life. A life with purpose, that brings happiness, is more important spending years with your feet on the ground breathing air. When you begin to adopt this perspective, it becomes essential to squeeze every ounce of opportunity out of each day. The goal should be to live a hundred years worth of impact and meaning within the first fifty years of your life, opposed to trying to live for a hundred years to get fifty years of experiences. This guidance leads us to two key elements of being successful: Find happiness in each day. When you stop using longevity as your metric and life expectancy and a guideline, it enables you to think about what brings happiness today. Take action each day that provides meaning to your life. Build a foundation for your legacy which will live on beyond the years you live

Finding happiness in the chaos. 7 strategies that work for me. This world is full of chaos. In every direction you look there is something that can cause a person to question the future of humanity. This may sound like I’m speaking in hyperbole, however I have been in two conversations within recently where individuals expressed concerns about having children. They were questioning the logic behind bringing a child into this world. Issues that were troubling included the potential environmental chaos along with political uncertainty associated with technologies capable of destroying societies. These conversations are depressing. I do not hold the same outlook however when you have Elon Musk dedicating his life to getting humans to live on Mars and Stephen Hawking suggesting that humans need to find someplace to inhabit other than Earth, it does make me pause and contemplate how much chaos is at our doorstep? Let us remove the future of our planet from the discussion. There remains a lot of chaos. In everyday conversations I hear a different set of chaotic stories. I hear people share the instability of current and past relationships. The challenges that family members bring into their lives. Work stories are shared that that highlight interactions with employers and the consistent stress it causes. The financial narratives as someone works to maintain a positive bank account in our consumer and capitalist culture. The chaos that these individuals share is not always significant from a macro perspective, however they make each day difficult for the individual and everyone else involved. There is also chaos each of us have within our own minds. The challenge to make sense of all these inputs. It is a uniquely human issue. To find meaning within the chaos. To quiet the mind enough that we can be productive and happy. The largest challenge we face is: how can I find happiness in the chaos? This is at the essence of the Happier and Healthier You program. One of the best answers that I have to offer is that it takes the development of a new lifestyle. The creation of new habits and behaviors that allow us to be more resilient. To have more energy and vitality to face our days. In order to create these new lifestyles takes the ability to change our mindset, alter our self identity and a willingness to shed ourselves of the past. While the following list is not comprehensive it is a set of strategies that have worked for me at different times. 1. Get daily physical activity. When we move our bodies we become acutely aware of our physical self. This awareness is valuable as our environments rarely force us to think about our physicality, unless it is in the context of illness and disease. This recommendation for ‘exercise’ does not have to be complicated or difficult. Go for a short walk, spend five minutes stretching or do a few sets of body squats. 2. Raise your heart rate. There is value in progressing from the previous suggestion to get physical activity. Through consistent training, stressing your cardiovascular system, you will develop an ability to respond more effectively to acute stresses in your life. The adaptations that happen will allow you to be more resistant to the highly stressful moments. 3. Be mindful. I have tried to incorporate seated meditation into my regular routine, but it is one of those habits that comes and goes from my daily schedule. However, I have found that having a mindful practice is something I can sustain. This may look different for each individual, but for me it has been a daily walk to get coffee. The main characteristics that make up this walk are: an attitude to embrace happiness, an attempt to be aware of the beauty around me and an observation of how others I encounter are navigating this same time and space. There are days when I get a half hour of high level awareness. Then there are days that I almost get hit by a car, which throws my mind into chaos with little chance of return. 4. Write it down. I enjoy writing and I spend a decent amount of time doing it. I understand that many others do not like to write, or do not have the time available to write pages of text. If that is you, my suggestion would be to simply have a few note cards or post-it notes available and when something is creating chaos in your life, simply give it a name and write that label on the note. Then I would recommend that you throw it away. Don’t hold on to it. Do not store it in a file. Do not create a digital list of these items. 5. Talk it out. I know that there is at least one friend I can go to when I need to talk about chaos in my life. When I am able to voice that chaos, I always feel better. It took time for me to be able to get to this place, because my natural response is to keep these thoughts to myself. It also took time to understand that being vulnerable was not a sign of weakness. If approaching a friend is not comfortable, then I’d recommend seeking a professional. The value in having a unbiased observer to your thoughts and concerns provides enormous value. 6. Remove yourself from the news cycle. The world changes fast. We are also highly connected. This does not mean that you will gain value from learning about every tragedy that takes place each hour of the day. This is not a suggestion to stick your head in the sand, the suggestion is to control how you expose yourself to those stories. 7. Don’t participate in gossip. This is a challenging suggestion, depending on your work and social environment. Finding ways to avoid conversations that revolve around gossip can significantly decrease the amount of chaos in your own life. My personal and completely non scientific observation is that people who enjoy gossiping the most, also invite the most chaos into my life. When I can’t remove myself from the conversation, I at least try to discourage it. This requires that you are aware that it is happening in the first place. I wish I could say that finding happiness in the middle of chaos was as simple as implementing these seven strategies. It is never that simple. The strategies are just some of the things I’ve worked on to help give me a better chance at being a happy and healthy person. You may require other strategies. It will also require time, effort and consistency. Being content and having meaning while standing in the middle of chaos is not a natural state. When you find the capacity to achieve it, your life will become more fulfilling then it already is.

What is happiness? In the field of positive psychology, happiness is defined by the “relative frequency of positive experiences.” (1) This definition does not mean that negative emotions and experiences are not present, but they are less frequent than the positive experiences. In describing the definition of happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky identifies a second component which is “having a sense of satisfaction with your life. Being content with the way that you are progressing towards your life goals.” (2) Finding happiness. The pursuit of happiness is never a finished journey. There are moments that you’ll have during your lifetime where you will feel contentment and satisfaction. Those moments will feel like you have arrived at the doorstep of pure happiness. Those moments are the memories we hold onto when we say we want to achieve happiness. We spend energy attempting to replicate those emotions, to retrace our footsteps that lead us to that place or follow someone else’s map that promises to lead us back. The issue is that those moments were not a destination. The idea that happiness is a destination is the wrong paradigm. If this were true, it would mean that if we found happiness it might be possible to stay forever happy. Why is this the wrong paradigm? What brings us happiness changes over time. When we are young we find happiness in different things then when we are old. In the winter, we find happiness in ways that would not bring us happiness in the summer. As time passes what elicits happiness changes, which makes viewing happiness as a single point of destination a poor mental model. We are terrible at predicting what makes us happy. Dan Gilbert, in his book, Stumbling on Happiness, shares research on people’s ability to predict what will make them happy. The observation he made, is that we are not very good with these predictions. What we think will make us happy rarely fulfills us. Even when we achieve our goals or obtain something we predicted would make us happy, it has a limited lifespan. At some point, we begin losing the happiness that we felt. If happiness were a destination, then it should be easier to predict and identify what brought us true happiness. If happiness is not a destination, then what analogy or mental model would work? The experience of finding happiness is a lot like finding a radio station when you are traveling across the Great Plains of the United States, without satellite radio. If you have ever experienced this, you would know that there’s always a radio station to be found. However, it requires a lot of tuning and seeking. You’ll need to switch between AM and FM bands from time to time. There will be periods where you’ll have excellent reception with high quality sound, but you will also need to accept a little static in some situations. As you travel, you may have a single station for hundreds of miles. But the more likely scenario is that you will be switching stations ever thirty minutes to an hour. I love this analogy because if we view finding our happiness as something similar to our ability to find a radio station in the Great Plains states, it puts us in a mindset that we always need to be active in our pursuit. It also highlights that there are many different dials to turn, options to select, however there is always some amount of happiness for us to find. Today that happiness may sound a lot like old time country, while tomorrow it could be modern hip hop. (1) Happiness Definition 1 (2) Happiness Definition 2 Sonja Lyubomirsky Video

We are given a lot of opportunities to peer into other people’s lives. I remember the first season of The Real World on MTV, it was a major shift in television. Instead of observing a fictional character’s life, we were invited into the lives of a group of young adults. As I watched those first few seasons I remember thinking that they were incredibly lucky. While the fighting and confrontations were not enviable, many of the other aspects of their lives were. That is what I thought. Today we get insights into nearly anyone’s life we choose. Those invitations are often curated, but we still look through the window and make judgements about how that individual lives. In some cases, I follow an account on Instagram or a friend on Facebook and think to myself, “If only I could figure out what they have figured out?” There are many benefits in having these loose connections to other people. However, it can also be a major source of unhappiness. One of the key elements in being truly happy is finding your authentic self. Finding contentment in that identity is a pillar of personal happiness. The question, “Who am I”, is one of the most basic questions of being a human. It is the question that sets us apart from other animals. It is the question that leads us to achieve great things, discover new talents and find lasting relationships. When we stop seeking this authenticity and turn over this work to others, by observing how they live and trying to copy it, our lives are left with unfulfilled gaps. We never get an opportunity to discover our true selves. These gaps do not have to be a result of social media or reality television either. I see people hand over this personal discovery to many other things, such as: political parties, geographic boundaries, sports teams, schools attended, cars they drive, neighborhoods they live in, clothes they wear, religious teachers they follow, etc. These past two weeks have been very busy for me, as I have had a lot of meetings that were delayed while I spent six weeks in South Dakota. In one of those meetings, I was talking to a friend that shares some similar professional goals and experiences that I have. She made the following statement, “If Gary can take the time to figure things out, then I can too.” It was an interesting statement because I had not really viewed my time in South Dakota as an opportunity to make any grand discoveries. It was a great opportunity to return to places I had not been in a couple decades and have memories of what life was like growing up. South Dakota, especially the Black Hills, is not central Nebraska. However, as I would drive down the road to Toy and Brenda’s ranch, it turned up memories of my youth. The interesting thing is that on that gravel road towards their house, I would wonder, is this the better life? The reason that all of these thoughts identifying with my youth and where I was geographically located popped up, is due to the understanding that we are constantly under development. The search for identity, the desire for purpose and the need for meaning, these are all things that are recurring throughout life. I used to believe that our identities were static after our twenties. However, the world changes, people change and most of all - we change. Understanding how we navigate these changes is a part of living a healthy and happy life. One of the keys to being happy during this process of self discovery, is to learn to find happiness within yourself. The world enjoys placing labels on you. It helps them categorize you. It makes it easier to judge you. I don’t mind that this is the way things happen, but what I try to do each day is to be satisfied with how I view myself. When the world puts a label on me, if it fits I don’t mind wearing the label, until it no longer feels authentic. Then the challenge is to be aware enough to shed the label and be true to yourself, or continue to live into the expectations and behaviors that come with the way you’ve been defined. So far this has been a very abstract discussion. I would like to share some real examples of ways that I have been defined or allowed myself to be defined recently. You will see that some of these observations are almost silly at face value, until you realize that in aggregate all of these definitions start to form a perception of you into the world. What I ask of myself is, which of these am I willing to reflect back into the world? A runner A product person A Volvo guy A coach A hipster A young man A teacher / mentor An old guy An experienced professional An inexperienced specialist A person with good character A single man An entrepreneur A unrealistic dreamer A writer / blogger Someone who overthinks things Someone who doesn’t plan things appropriately Someone in a midlife crisis A motivator These are just the few ways that I have been defined that I can immediately recall. The question I’ve been asking myself are which of these do I accept? How many of them do I deny? This video from Mike Rosner and his interview with James Altucher has been some inspiration for this refelction podcast James Altucher & Mike Rosner Interview

About eight years ago I wrote a blog post about health and fitness. I don’t remember the exact topic of the article, the topic is not critical, as the thing I remember most about the post was a comment posted by someone I knew. While I was trying to be informative and helpful, the comments were about several grammar and spelling errors. My initial reaction was one of frustration. I began to question if the reader even understood the point I was trying to teach, or did they see the article as a product to critique? My longer observed reaction to the comments were ones of self doubt and deeper feelings of perfectionism. It made me ask a few questions anytime I wanted to publish a post: Did I spell everything incorrectly? Did I misuse any words or phrases? Did I structure the story appropriately? There are many more questions that start to come up that relate to the content and possible perceptions that people have. These questions became barriers to overcome anytime I wanted to share something I wrote or a product I developed. The desire to over analyze every detail, to question my own authority on a topic and succumb to potential (not even observed) criticism lead to many days and weeks of edits, reviews and changes. There is a balance. I don’t want to completely dismiss the value of doing great work. When developing a product, there should be great pride in what you release into the world. If you are writing, there is value in providing the reader with a good experience that includes appropriate grammar. When I put something into the world that doesn’t provide positive value and experiences for the user, it definitely causes me to sit back and reflect on the threshold of acceptable quality. However, it is more often than not that I face the issue of working on something until I feel it is near perfect. The choice to hold onto something that I wrote for another round of edits is ever present. It is also the easier choice to make because if something has not been released then no one can comment or critique. It can be easy to fool myself into believing that I am being productive and progressing, even when I do not publish something. If I sit down and write, that feels like progress. Watching the word count grow provides an observable metric that I can trick myself into believing matters. What really matters is not just getting the content written, but making an impact with the words that are shared. This requires getting out of my own way so that I can share a message. It might be an imperfect message. It could be filled with broken storylines, poor word choices and bad grammar. Understanding that this is acceptable and that imperfect things can still provide stepping stones for our next effort, this is the obstacle I have to overcome. As individuals begin a behavior change process, the battle of perfectionism is something that becomes a major challenge for many. The belief that everything has to be in order before they can start. The misguided teachings that say if you do not follow your plan each day, without fail, then it is not worth pursuing. The concept that making a lifestyle change means you need to change all the pieces of your lifestyle that you do not like, today. All of these beliefs are inaccurate and damaging to your journey to a happier and healthier you.